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11.1.11

My own sorrow


A darling friend of mine passed away last week after a seven year long battle with cancer. Oh yes, she fought the good fight. She was always a strong, graceful woman who dazzled with her elegance and wit until the very end.

The funeral was today. Forgive me my public wallowing, but though her death came as a release of sorts, we are all devastated. This letter that I wrote to her in her last week might reveal a little of why (she won't mind me sharing, she was always so open and generous).

Dear Philippa

It has been too long since I have seen you, but, of course, we have always been this way. It is our way.

I think you know how much you mean to me, how fundamentally important you are for me being me. You came into my life at a time when I desperately needed a mentor, a friend to confide in and trust and guide me. You helped me face up to and understand something that happened to me that had blown my understanding of myself and the world off track. You listened, you loved, you gently guided me back. You did so much to help me grow into the person I am today.

I often close my eyes and see your dignified, elegant self. With eyes so compassionate and warm and knowing that we mere mortals are lost in them. Your presence in my mind is calming and inspiring and delightful.

It is 24-year old me who thanks you from the bottom of my heart for your wisdom, intelligence and bottomless compassion. It is me today who will miss you endlessly when you leave us.

I adore you, as always. For always.
Your everloving friend.

x

[Image via tumblr]

48 comments:

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh lovely one, I'm so very sorry for your loss. xx

Penny said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. And what a beautifully written letter.
Lots of hugs to you in this hard time

Naomi said...

Lovely Maxabella, sending you love. I am so sorry for your loss.

Keep her in your heart, she will always be there.

xxx

hairfairyclips said...

Beautiful letter, so sorry to hear of your loss ♥

A Farmer's Wife said...

Thinking of you and your loss of what sounds like a truly inspirational friend.

Posie Patchwork said...

So sorry you lost a special friend & the world clearly lost someone amazing. Breaks your heart such awful things happen to good people, especially so young. I know you'll embrace life even more with just another dose of how special it is to be alive & healthy. Love Posie

Kate said...

She sounds like an amazing woman. I am so sorry you and the world lost her but so pleased she knew how much she meant to you. XX

Mammamusing said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

Your letter was beautiful :)

Kymmie said...

I'm so sorry honey. Cancer seems to be everyone's disease and it makes me madder than anything. Unnecessary loss is what it is. My heart is with you while you mourn the loss of one amazing person. xx

allison tait said...

I am so sorry B. I know how special she was to you. Was thinking of you all day today. Sending love. x

the textured leaf said...

Im so saddened by your loss, my thoughts will be with you while there is much healing to be done by you and your loved ones. Its very heartening to know that lucky ones such as yourself (myself too) can know such powerful friendships and acknowledge them in beautiful words, x

ClaireyH said...

I have similar such friends, we see each other rrarely but still are amazing friends. To lose one of them would be heartbreaking. Your loss is my reminder to tell them how much they do mean to me still.

Your letter would have been a comforting thing for her to read in her last days.

Xx

Lucy said...

Oh sweet Maxabella, I am so sorry. Life is showing its very cruel side at this time.

Lots of love. And peace for your heart. xx

littlemissairgap said...

Such a touching & meaningful, from the heart, letter. I have one of those to write to an old friend who is losing her fight.

Toni said...

What a beautiful, heartfelt letter. I had tears in my eyes reading it. You're blessed to have had such a friend in your life.

Tat said...

So sorry for your loss, she must have been a truly special lady.

Selina said...

you are lucky to have such wonderful wise friend, its not your loss... its your gain

MomAgain@40 said...

Sorry to hear about your loss!
Very touching letter!

Vanessa said...

Your friend was very lucky to have someone so caring and kind as you in her life. Such a beautiful gift to her in her last days. Take care of you x

Rhi@FlourChild said...

So sorry Maxabella.
It's a beautiful letter, and one I am sure your friend appreciated so much.
love to you.
Rhi x

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

She sounds like the best person to know at the age of 24, at any age really.

It's so hard to say goodbye. Yet I hope you find comfort in the fact that you got to say these beautiful words to her and that I am sure she felt your love always, even at the end.

Stacia said...

I'm reminded of an Emily Dickinson quote, which I discovered and found comfort in when a close friend of mine lost his battle with cancer, too.

"Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality." — Emily Dickinson

I hope it brings you come comfort, too, friend. For today. For always.

In Real Life said...

*HUGS* I am sorry to hear about your loss of your special friend.

Glen said...

those words would have meant a lot to her. I'm sure YOU meant a lot to her too.

_vTg_ said...

So sorry for your loss of a dear friend. Your beautiful letter must have brought her comfort in her last week. Rest in peace.

Jane said...

oh Bron that is just so sad. I am a big believer in letters like this.. So important.

There is a lot of sadness around this month, it seems. I hope we are all due some happiness very soon. xoxo

BabyMac said...

Oh lady...sorry for your loss. Fucking cancer. Thinking of you x

alliecat said...

So sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet friend. My thoughts are with you.

Me 'N My Monkeys said...

Such a Beautiful Letter, so sorry for your loss xxx

MissPosy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Such a beautiful letter x

Tropical Mum said...

Your letter was so touching. I'm sorry for your loss.

Imperfectly Me said...

Sending you a big hug...she sounds like a very special person and I'm sure she felt equally blessed to have you in her life.

Paula (Eggshell Blue) said...

So sorry for the loss of your dear friend and mentor, lovely Maxabella.

hugs x

Michelle said...

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Im very sorry for your loss x

Stacy of KSW said...

My heart is aching for you but rejoicing for Philippa, not only did she guide you here on earth but now she will go on to do so from above. Sending you a great big hug tonight and a warm shoulder to cry on should the need arise. Let those tears fall, then celebrate her wonderful spirit that is now free

Jaclyn said...

i have tears streaming down my face after reading your letter, what a beautiful tribute to such a beautiful friend. x

ANB said...

Sad sad sad. So much bad stuff happening in the world at the moment. Thinking of you. x

Sarah said...

I'm late to this, like everything else this week. I am so sorry my friend for your loss. Lots of love, S x

Lou said...

Gosh, very sorry about your friend. Lots of love.
Lou

x0xJ said...

Oh hunnie i am so so sorry for your loss.
This week seems to be a really rough week for everyone!

Kerry said...

The loss of a friend, someone we choose to have in our lives, is a grief all of its own I think. I'm so sorry to hear of this loss in your life and hope you will be eased by the wonderful memories of your friend and sustained by the impact she has had on your life.

DangGina said...

Thank heaven for friends like this! I'm sorry for your sorrow. You're in my prayers...

Langdowns said...

That's beautiful.

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

oh sweets - damn i missed this post, so sorry this is late! what a sweet letter, thanks for sharing! hoping, wishing praying that you are ok. Phillipa sounds like an amazing friend xx

Leanne said...

dear dear friend, I'm so sorry for you loss. Keep her in your heart, always. Thinking of you ...hugs.

Louisa said...

Why is life so terribly precious, beautiful and heart breakingly painful all at the same time? Thinking of you xx

Donna said...

Such a truly touching tribute to your dear friend; I hope she is now at peace and you find comfort from all your memories x

Heather said...

Dear friend...sending you lots and lots of love my darling. What a beautiful person and friend she must have been for you to cherish her so. xxx

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